Sometimes, post script

Sometimes, God's answers to prayer are yes, but not in a way we would expect!

Within hours of posting last week, I fell. hard. on concrete. Did I mention that I fell hard, met the sidewalk up close and personal?

It was on the way into a meeting that would be hard but good, in which I knew God was calling me to graciously speak the truth of His Word when the easier path would be to be quiet. I had steadily been praying for humility in leading up to this meeting. He granted it just not in the way I would have. :) As I fell, I thought two things... 1) It seemed that the devil was working to prevent truth, 2) God was answering the prayer for humility! I sat through the meeting, spoke truth, and watched God work while in increasing intense pain. I realized that God was putting me in a place where NOTHING could be done in my strength. 

Side note: God intervened in the meeting in so many ways. My thoughts and opinions matter not. His Word is all that matters... He must be glorified. As Joshua 5:13-16 shows, God was not for Joshua or the enemy, but He is God and will be glorified. He is not about my selfish agendas! 

I ended up with a broken hand, displaced finger, sprained foot, sprained ankle, and multiple bruises and scrapes. Ouch! What good could come out of this? How could I keep going with these injuries on top of the current health struggles? Much good can come out of this. In looking back at the week which I survived, I saw many blessings and the hand of God!

Here are a few highlights:

• being able to work just short of 32 hours with all the normal health challenges combined with injuries... so grateful!
• learning that while my foot and ankle are both just sprained (YAY), the radiologist found a possible tumor in my leg bone. I must admit I simply laughed out loud with it since it was just one. more. thing!
• learning that I had been cleared from both the leg bone tumor (just the old break showing) AND the pituitary gland tumor. HALLELUJAH
• discovering that EVERYTHING takes three to four times as long to do when you are in my shape, but becoming so, so grateful for being able to do what I can! It is amazing how your priorities shift and show.
• finding that God WILL answer prayers for humility and lofstrand crutches... just not quite in the way or time I anticipated! Our Father is AMAZING!
• being frustrated that time with Him is not happening as much as I would like right now due to my health and feeling as if that makes me less desirable in His eyes only to be lovingly reminded by our Father that He made me, allowed this, and loves me the same. My time with Him is just more broken up in small moments throughout the day. :)
• seeing His abundant provision of food, rides to the store, funds, ladies from church coming to prepare said food, do dishes, needed equipment to be as independent as possible, and laundry. Seriously!!!! A niece came to clean and another lady is coming Monday night. Amazing grace!!!!
• watching God be more concerned with glorifying Himself and changing me into His likeness than my immediate "comfort!" He is revealing more sin and extending forgiveness. This is good.
• oberving God using my injuries in others lives. :)
• being thankful for the medical workers help and availability

Yeah... it has been quite a week. The ladies at church keep reminding me that God is still teaching me to rest! I am used to being the one serving, not the one having to be served. What a place to be! Yet,God continues to give opportunity to serve with limited strength through prayer, etc.!!!!

Romans 8:28-29 and Philippians 4 have become so precious!

What about you? What is overwhelming? Are you focused on the trial or on God? He is an amazing God!!!! May He be glorified! Sometimes, these trials are Him making us more like Christ, allowing God to be glorified!

Sometimes...

Sometimes, God's answers to our prayers are not what we would expect. Consider this quote...

"They were people who were living to themselves. Their hopes, promises, and dreams still controlled them. They had asked for a repentant heart and had surrendered themselves with a willingness to pay any price for it, and He sent them sorrow. They had asked for purity, and He sent them sudden anguish. They had asked for meekness, and He had broken their hearts. They had asked to be dead to the world, and He killed all their living hopes. They had asked to be made like Him, so He placed them in the fire "as a refiner and purifier of silver" (Mal. 3:3), until they could reflect His image. They had asked to help carry His cross, yet when He held it out to them, it cut and tore their hands." ~Streams in the Desert, October 17.

At the first, this quote seems to be discouraging, even despairing. However, upon closer inspection, hope and love spring forth. You  see, sometimes the unexpected gifts from God are greater than our expected ones. :)

Sigh. I had prayed to be closer to my Lord, to rely on Him and to shine His love more. I had prayed to have His will for my life, to submit to Him. Some would say that I should then experience health, wealth, and happiness. Yet, I found this quote interesting as it was the devotional on the very day a trip to a specialist revealed that my most recent health challenges were simply chronic. The good news is that there is no more neurological damage. (For those wondering, I do have a brain!) This is good news indeed and encouraging. 

The harder news is that the symptoms are going to be with me. Muscle weakness, insidious muscle weakness is most likely a side effect of the asthma medications and is potentially permanent. Chronic fatigue syndrome has flared once again, the type of fatigue that at times makes it impossible to move and makes one's strength incredibly precious. This type of fatigue that is always with someone and hinders life. Complicated migraines which mimic stroke and cause everyday life to be ... hard... just hard. It has become a struggle to do basic duties. These things are not life threatening, but life altering.

This morning as I pondered these things in the quiet of my house, an overwhelming gratefulness swept over me. My life is changing of necessity. Daily, I am running out of strength before I run out of my duties. Why would I then be overwhelmed with gratefulness? You see, in my weakness, I have been given a precious gift and choice. Will I let Him shine through? I will be moved out of the way since I am so frail. He is my only hope! :) I began to ponder and remember these verses:

• His strength will be made perfect and shine forth. :) 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, "7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 
• An opportunity to learn contentment is given to me. What a gift! :) Philippians 4:11-13, "11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ[b] who strengthens me."
• And, in my weakness, I am drawn closer to my precious Savior who suffered so much for me. He is the Master Gardener and is pruning me. The Gardener is closest to the plant when He is pruning. :) John 15:1-4, “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away;[a] and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me."
• My life is not about me or my happiness, but about glorifying God! As John the Baptist said in John 3:30, "30 He must increase, but I must decrease."

As I pondered all of this this morning, my heart was overcome with gratitude. God has given me this amazing gift as well as so many provisions and blessings. He has blessed with a wonderful support system in family and friends. He has given me the opportunity to get to know Him better! :) What a wonderful Savior! 

Today, my heart is focused on Him and making the choice for gratitude. The days ahead will be no less difficult. I am thankful that sometimes, His answer is different than what I expect. I am thankful that sometimes, He allows me to see that His answer provides the unspoken needs of my heart in His infinite wisdom, rather than my desires. 

May my gaze continue to stay focused on Him! May my heart continue to draw close to Him! May I say with the Psalmist, 

Joy in the Fellowship of God

A Psalm of David when he was in the wilderness of Judah.

63 O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.
2 So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.

3 Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips shall praise You.
4 Thus I will bless You while I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
5 My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.

6 When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches.
7 Because You have been my help,
Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.
8 My soul follows close behind You;
Your right hand upholds me.

9 But those who seek my life, to destroy it,
Shall go into the lower parts of the earth.
10 They shall fall by the sword;
They shall be a portion for jackals.

11 But the king shall rejoice in God;
Everyone who swears by Him shall glory;
But the mouth of those who speak lies shall be stopped."

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.