A friend and I had the amazing opportunity to go to the Keith and Kristyn Getty SING!17 conference to learn how to help our church's music ministry more. Our excitement was high as we also were going to be in the choir for the conference and sing with many musicians we admired, even on stage at the Grand Ole Opry. We knew that worshipping with nearly 200 choir members and 5,000 in the audience not including the livestream was going to be a little piece of Heaven as we worshipped the King, our Father! :)
As we waited to begin our first choir rehearsal, my mind went back a year to the rejection I initially felt behind the mask. The past year had brought about having to wear the mask in even more situations. Would they let me sing in the choir with my health mask? Would I be rejected due to my limitations? Fears began to overcome me. My friend looked at me and held my gaze to ask a question. "Why are you here?"
"To worship God and to learn." I responded convicted.
"And where is your focus right now?" she went on.
"On my fear, limitations, and mask." I replied, sheepishly.
"Let's change that focus." she firmly but lovingly said.
Ouch. She was right. We had just been studying Ephesians 5:15-21 together in preparation for a week of music. She had decided to practice what we learned and rightfully admonished me. My fear had been overcoming my love for God.
Slowly, my focus shifted as I meditated on our God and some of the songs we were going to be singing. Choir rehearsal began. The choir director scanned his choir as we warmed up. I hate to admit that I still was a bit fearful. Would I be accepted? I watched his expression as his gaze rested on my health mask, on me. There was the slightest flicker of acknowledgement that something was different before his gaze went on to the next person.
Then, we finished the warm-up and began to sing praise to our God. The talent in the room was beyond anything I had been a part of previously. Our voices raised in full harmony to our Father. Love overcame fear; joy filled my heart until I thought it would explode. It truly was a taste of Heaven. My health mask was completely forgotten.
Throughout that week, I was accepted, mask and all. Sure... I had a few questions about it which made me chuckle from "Do you have cancer?" to "Are you paranoid about germs?" Or... when we were lining up backstage at the Grand Ole Opry and nerves were kicking in, everyone around us chuckled when I turned to ask my friend if I had anything in my teeth (not visible, obviously, under the mask) and without skipping a beat she told me I did. :) (My family and pastor even pointed out how thankful they were for the mask as it helped them locate us in the crowded choir. :) ) Throughout the week, the choir members in particular simply stepped in to help when my weakness required it, but with love, not pity.
Mainly, people simply saw me as just another member in our family praising our precious, glorious Father. :) Each person in the room had areas of brokenness for which we were eagerly awaiting our eternal Home with Jesus where we will be whole. Yet, they were forgotten as we praised the One Who will bring about this wholeness. I was no longer separated behind the mask, but one in unity with my brothers and sisters in Christ.
The last evening of the conference, Joni Eareckson Tata spoke. It was evident that after 50 years in the wheelchair serving God, she sometimes had the same difficulty with accepting and overcoming the daily, tedious struggles of living with disability. Her raw honesty was a tremendous help. She also is "behind a mask," yet whole in Christ. Perfect love casts out fear.
And so... poignant lessons were being driven home:
- I almost missed a tremendous blessing and opportunity for service by allowing my fear to overtake me instead of praising God. Focus on and praise for His perfect love overcame my fear!
- Not only are we to be exhorting and admonishing one another, but we are to be submissive to one another. We must be open to listening to our brothers and sisters of Christ to allow them to help us love and live Christ when our focus shifts.
- I must look beyond other's masks (visible and invisible) and simply love them for Christ as the precious family of God did for me that week.
- As we "turn our eyes upon Jesus," the things of earth do grow strangely dim. With our focus on Him and praising Him, joy replaces mourning; love replaces fear.
And so... I will sing praises to Him even from Behind the Mask! :)