The Loneliness of Chronic Illness

Loneliness. Isolation. Misunderstanding. These three things are standard fare for the chronically ill. For long periods, if I am not ill or weak myself, I may have to avoid crowds or others who are ill. No matter what is planned, there is no guarantee that health will allow. The result is loneliness, isolation, and misunderstanding as others don't understand last minute cancellations.

What do we do with these challenges of chronic illness? What is a Biblical response? Here are just a few ways of serving.

• James 2:23 - See the time as an opportunity to pursue Christ! Times of weakness are times to pray, study, and sing.
• Hebrews 10:24-25 - Make fellowship and worship with other believers a priority even if these things have to be done remotely due to health challenges. If at all possible, attend church, even if you must come late/leave early. Do what you can to attend. The fellowship with other believers is imperative.
• Romans 12:10 - Pursue ways to show love to the family of God. Invite others to your home even when your home is not clean. Reach out by card, email, or text. It is important to be pouring into others as much as you can.

For those who are friends of the chronically ill:

• Be patient and understanding.
• Do not take cancellations personally.
• Continue to invite them to things even after many cancellations.
• Advise your friends anyone attending is ill. Illnesses are much more difficult for the chronically ill to overcome. They need the option of attending or not with the illness.
• Speak truth. Isolation and loneliness can lead to selfishness. Lovingly address this when lead by God.
• And yet, encourage without judgment.

Friendship makes such a difference in the life of the chronically ill. Consider:

• Proverbs 17:17; 29:9; 27:17
• Ecclesiastes 4:10
• Romans 12:10, 15:7
• Galatians 5:13
• Ephesians 4:2, 32; 5:19
• Colossians 3:13, 16
• 1 Thessalonians 4:18, 5:11
• Hebrews 3:13
• 1 Peter 4:9-11, 5:14
• 1 John 3:11, 4:7

As we love each other and pursue Christ's love, the loneliness, isolation, and misunderstanding in the life of the chronically ill can be used of God to produce fruit.

Encouragement

As I mentioned in "Comparing Talents," playing piano in my new church was difficult for me. The encouragement of others and teaching of His Word made the difference to me. One musician gladly acted as back up for me on the Sundays that my body would not cooperate for me to play. Another musician encouraged any attempt at playing no matter how weak it turned out. 

These dear sisters in Christ were acting out 1 Thessalonians 5:10-14. "10 who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we will live together with Him. 11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing.12 Now we ask you, brothers, to give recognition to those who labor among you and lead you in the Lord and admonish you, 13 and to regard them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. 14 And we exhort you, brothers: warn those who are irresponsible,[a] comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient with everyone."

My heart rejoices as my church acts out the exhortation to encourage others and to help them serve to their ability. People are given opportunity to serve no matter their ability level. Doing this allows those to serve despite limitations. :) They act out 1 Corinthians 13 as they love the family of God in this way. 

My heart has been both challenged and encouraged by this love. It reminds me of John 15 which tells us to love one another!

Comparing Talents

Do you see that both passages refer to the abilities or strength that God provides. Often as a person with chronic illnesses, I attempt to give beyond my limitations, my God-given limitations and resources. God gave us what we need to fulfill His purposes. He does not give us what others have, but what we need to perform His purpose.

In recent years, God brought th lesson home to me through serving in the church music ministry. It all started one day as the other musicians finished playing. 

I froze inside. They had asked me to begin playing offertories in church. I had only been attending this church for a few months. True, I wanted to get involved, but my piano playing ability is average. Soon, I began to do the comparison game in my mind. While I can play advanced pieces, it takes me a very long time to learn anything new. Others call these pieces easy. Others can play new pieces quickly by sight reading. Others do not have piano playing ability hampered by brain damage from a stroke. Others have taken lessons for many decades; I for a short six years. Others in the church have professional experience; mine is amateur. Others do not seem to have a near panic attack prior to playing every single time. Others do not have difficulty with chronic illnesses which can lead to being undependable no matter how faithful I wish to be. The comparisons played on in my mind. 

For several months, I timidly played one offertory a month. Throughout this time, the other musicians were nothing but encouraging! Then one day, we had the following passages in our adult Life Group:

Matthew 25:14-30

The Parable of the Talents

14 “For it is just like a man going on a journey. He called his own slaves and turned over his possessions to them. 15 To one he gave five talents;[a] to another, two; and to another, one—to each according to his own ability. Then he went on a journey. Immediately 16 the man who had received five talents went, put them to work, and earned five more. 17 In the same way the man with two earned two more. 18 But the man who had received one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground, and hid his master’s money.

19 “After a long time the master of those slaves came and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received five talents approached, presented five more talents, and said, ‘Master, you gave me five talents. Look, I’ve earned five more talents.’

21 “His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You were faithful over a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Share your master’s joy!’

22 “Then the man with two talents also approached. He said, ‘Master, you gave me two talents. Look, I’ve earned two more talents.’

23 “His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You were faithful over a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Share your master’s joy!’

24 “Then the man who had received one talent also approached and said, ‘Master, I know you. You’re a difficult man, reaping where you haven’t sown and gathering where you haven’t scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went off and hid your talent in the ground. Look, you have what is yours.’

26 “But his master replied to him, ‘You evil, lazy slave! If you knew that I reap where I haven’t sown and gather where I haven’t scattered,27 then[b] you should have deposited my money with the bankers. And when I returned I would have received my money[c] back with interest.

28 “‘So take the talent from him and give it to the one who has 10 talents. 29 For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have more than enough. But from the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him. 30 And throw this good-for-nothing slave into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Consider 1 Peter 4:11, "11 If anyone speaks, it should be as one who speaks God’s words; if anyone serves, it should be from the strength God provides, so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything. To Him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen."

Ouch. My focus had been in the wrong place. I should have been looking at the ability God gave me and simply investing that ability for Him. I do not need to serve above that talent. I simply give that talent back to Him. 

In a step of faith, I began to play more for church. As my focus shifted to God, something strange began to happen. I began to enjoy playing. Each Sunday, I began to simply play for Christ with what He laid on my heart. A dear friend committed to praying for me during each time I played and often before I would play. My playing went from a source of anxiety to a source of joy. 

As this happened, I saw another aspect of the passage come true. I began to desire to increase my talent and ability for Him. My daily practice time became a gift for Him, an opportunity to invest the talent He has given. :) 

Chronic illnesses can seem to be limiting. If we focus on the limitations instead of the opportunities and gifts of God, we will shy away from service. Focusing on Christ and His gifts mean using our talents as an act of worship and produce great joy!

Side note: often as a chronically ill individual, I would overdo my service to God, giving beyond what resources God had given. While burying a talent is not an appropriate response, neither is giving more than God expects. Learning both of these lessons is very freeing. 

They Wept With Us

This past two years have been challenging ones for our family. During this time, God's presence, comfort, and strength have been incredible. He cared for our heartbreak. He cared for our tears.

Psalm 56:8, 
"You Yourself have recorded my wanderings.[a]
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your records?"

Often, we do not know what to say to those who are going through grief. We found that those who simply came along side us meant the most. There were several friends who quietly wept with us. As I shared the latest challenges, I watched as the tears fell from their eyes. They embodied Christ's love as they fulfilled Christ's love. They didn't know what to say; they simply cried with me.

Romans 12:15,

"15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep."

Not long ago, a friend was going through a similar trial of grief. I didn't know what to say. And so, I simply wept with her. 

Sometimes, silence and tears speak the loudest.

Shoes, God's Provision Through the Years

UPDATE: I originally published this post in 2016. Today, I want to add an update as I was once again reminded about God's provision of shoes.

Fast-forward to December 2021

Think anyone will notice that my shoes are two different sizes? #AFOLife

A company called Orthofeet makes Biofit shoes for AFO's. They are very adjustable so that you can fit them to any brace as well as your non-braced foot. They are wonderful as you basically build-a-shoe when they come. After three years of fighting and fighting, I have been regaining some strength and able to move more. This is a huge praise but brought to light that my shoes needed an upgrade. The new shoes that fit didn't come in pink and aren't quite customizable enough for the right foot. When I see the two colors, I am reminded of God's provision and how far He has brought me.

And so, I will be setting a new trend. I mean my mask trend caught on. Maybe this will, too!

ORIGINAL POST From November 13, 2016

Shoes.

They seem to be the most basic of necessities, but how often do we take them for granted?

Shoes - reminders of God's provision.

God used shoes recently to remind me of His promise of provision for His children.

Philippians 4:19 English Standard Version (ESV)

19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Shoes - changing needs.

Due to positive changes in my condition, I was able to "graduate" to the next level of brace. My current shoes were rendered useless due to the shape of the new brace. If you know me at all, you know that Gertrude (my left leg who has a mind of her own due to my stroke) makes shoe shopping my least favorite shopping excursion. I am always grateful to have one pair of shoes that actually fit and work and don't completely break the bank. Two stores later, I was still empty-handed and praying for provision.

Psalm 46:10 English Standard Version (ESV)

10 “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

It is interesting what memories simple everyday objects bring back. Memories flooded back as I worried about and prayed for shoes.

Shoes - providentially mismatched.

In the early years after the stroke, Dad and I would pray for shoes in two different sizes (left smaller than right) before going shoe shopping. God did not disappoint as time after time God provided a "pair" of shoes hooked together in my two sizes of shoes. Granted, at the time, I was not always impressed with the "granny shoe style," but God had provided for my needs.

Shoes - a family need.

During my fifth grade year, dad was in between churches and we lived on faith alone. Someway, a box of our shoes was lost in the move to live with my Grandma while Dad candidated at churches. God provided again as someone purchased our entire family a pair of shoes. This was no small gift as there are seven of us. God provided.

Shoes - err... braces.

When I was 11, Dad injured his leg and had to wear an AFO (ankle foot orthosis, or in English, an ankle/leg brace to help drop-foot). To date, I had not worn one and walked very poorly. On a whim, he tried his too big brace on my leg and asked me to walk across the floor. For the first time, I walked without tripping over Gertrude. Dad cried. We were able to get a brace for me and I no longer needed two different sized shoes. God had provided again!

Shoes - with wheels.

My next shoe memory is a that of rollerskates, specifically, my brother's large rollerskates. We only had money for one pair and I really wanted to rollerskate. Dad and Mom had finally given me permission to rollerskate and I couldn't wait to try. Socks stuffed in the toe of the rollerskates were just the ticket to make them work. They did work well until Gertrude didn't. Before I knew it, I was in a hospital bed with a crushed "good" leg. God provided for the many needs (including shoes) that arose throughout that ordeal and taught me much.

Shoes - a necessary evil.

Back to present day after our completely unsuccessful shoe shopping trip for these necessary "evils," my mom and youngest brother both mentioned Dad's shoes. Granted, they are size 10 and I wear size 7, but this new brace is a bit bulky. My brother was going that day and brought back some of Dad's shoes. They fit the brace. I may have done a happy dance; ahem, well my version of a happy dance. (Of course, we had to get a bit creative with the other foot, but at least Gertrude is happy! And if Gertrude is happy, I'm happy. ;) ) God had provided not one pair of shoes, but in the end five pair of shoes and a pair of boots from Dad's supply. I have never had so many pair of shoes that fit at one time. And... within moments of putting the correct size shoes on the new brace, my walk was stable, steady, and straight. Praise the Savior!

Shoes - ordinary miracles.

Through this ordinary need, God showed me His extra-ordinary love. I was reminded of His promise in Matthew 6.
Matthew 6:25-34 English Standard Version (ESV)Do Not Be Anxious

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Shoes.

Anxious about something? Next time you put on your shoes, remember that God has provided and will provide. There is no reason to be anxious. God provides for His children.

Behind the Mask

I stood in the hallway alone and isolated although surrounded by people. As people neared me, they crossed to the other side of the hallway and passed by (and I'm not even a Samaritan). I smiled as others approached me, but they ignored my smile and hurried on their way. The surgical mask I had to wear to protect a fragile immune system was hot and stuffy, but that discomfort was nothing compared to the isolation and loneliness I felt. Why couldn't people see behind my mask? Why couldn't they see my smile? I felt like a leper, unclean. Had I not been convinced that God wanted me at the conference through His amazing provision and prodding, I would have given up and left. It was God's grace that overcame my introversion and kept me from leaving.

Finally, a few brave people began to talk to me. They immediately asked one question, "Are you contagious?" Their question struck me as I realized they had been avoiding me out of fear. Having a strange sense of humor, I began to introduce myself by saying, "Hi, I'm Myrical, and I'm not contagious." Some chuckled at this introduction. (I should have written on the mask, "It's not me, it's you.") I laughed with them and soon was being included. I praised God for the breakthrough and His mercy to me.

As I began to think about it later, my mind went back to a different kind of mask that had isolated me from others. It was just four months earlier that my Dad was in his final hours. The emotional mask and smile I pasted on hid the pain we were going through. My family had been through seven months of one crisis following another and were completely worn out. It seemed easier to simply paste on a smile than to let people know of the pain and exhaustion. I hid behind that mask.

These experiences caused me to think about other masks that I pass every day. How many around me are hiding behind masks - both obvious and hidden? There are two videos on youtube which demonstrate the masks of those around us (here and here).

How should I respond? I turned to our greatest example. I was reminded of Jesus' reaction to the leper in Luke 5:12-13. Jesus touched him. "12 While he was in one of the cities, there came a man full of leprosy.[a]And when he saw Jesus, he fell on his face and begged him, “Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.” 13 And Jesus[b] stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, “I will; be clean.” And immediately the leprosy left him." Jesus commands us to love others as He loves us. (John 15:12-13) Our love for others will show the world that we love God. (John 13:34-35) 

May my experience behind the masks help me see past masks and love as Christ did!

...And God Was There

January 7, 2016. 10:45 AM - Dad called to tell me he was diagnosed with terminal cancer that has quickly spread through his body.

Four months and a lifetime later...

May 23, 2016, 10:38 AM Dad passes into the arms of our loving Savior.

Many times during those four months, we thought it was our darkest hour yet God was there. We found that what seemed like the darkest hours were only grey hours and that life could and did get more difficult and challenging. God's Word, hymns, and the comfort of His Spirit became precious. God was there in the "darkest" hour and the progressively darker hours.

Psalm 23
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

It seems that I remember that journey in snapshots:

• receiving Dad's call that he would be seeing Jesus soon. His call collided with my work day. My world was rocked while the ordinary went on around me... and God was there. 
• walking beside dad in a hall as he struggled to walk with a walker and remembering the years he had walked with me when I was the one on a walker or in a wheelchair. It was a precious, painful sight... and God was there. 
• singing and playing piano with Dad for the last time. I must admit it took awhile after he graduated to Heaven to play again. And God came down and touched us while we played and sang. :) 
• observing the grief and anguish of my family, hurting with and for them. And God was there. 
• living through the hardest ten days of my life to date about two months after Dad was diagnosed. So many needs, so little sleep, so much pain... And God was there. 
• progressing through the "lasts" and striving to love well. And God was there. 
• learning how to caregive with grace when we were literally falling asleep standing up as well as asking forgiveness of those we loved dearest when we failed. And God was there. 
• transitioning to hospice and all the pain, laughter and tears of those final days. And God was there. 
• listening for every breath during the last three and a half days (a lifetime as we entered the time warp) he was home, during my last night watch, during that last morning as he met his Savior face to face. And God was there.
• experiencing for ourselves the incredible stress of losing a loved one. And God was there.  
• journeying through the next weeks of numbness and healing. And God was there. 
• and, finally, experiencing the firsts as we approach the holidays. And God is here. 

Isaiah 43:1-3
43 But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. 2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. 3 For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour: I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee.

God's presence meant that while cancer was ugly, this dark journey became beautiful in His light as His presence upheld us. Christ's love sustained us as we were having to make difficult decisions at our most stressed time. His love allowed us to love each other and show grace at a time when we could easily have become very angry with each other.

God's presence as we walked this journey. The Holy Spirit ministered to us through the Word and songs that came to mind. He is precious.

God's provision meant that I enjoyed my peanut butter manna (gluten free peanut butter sandwiches which were my main sustenance due to diet restrictions) and we enjoyed the treats people brought. We became increasingly grateful for things which we would normally take for granted, things like vegetables, fruit, and a hot meal.

God's family were amazing during this time as people rallied around us through prayer, letting us crash at their house, preparing meals, bringing vegetables, so many ways. They were literally His hands and feet to us through this difficult time.

God's timing was perfect. Early on my cousin who had lost her father a few years earlier told me that we would look back later and see His hand in all of this. She was right. We did see how what we saw as disasters at the time were actually part of His timing.

God's love, mercy, and grace have become so much more precious. It is true that the last eighteen months or so have been some of the hardest we have ever journeyed. We can be thankful for this time, however, as it has allowed us to experience God in more meaningful ways.

Now, I pray that as we have been comforted through it, we may go out and comfort others.

2 Corinthians 1:4English Standard Version (ESV)
4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.