A New Journey

October 2018 began a journey of three and a half years of health complications. It has been a long journey with one issue after another. 

In September 2019, it became evident that to maintain even basic health for the foreseeable future, I needed to be isolated from allergens and germs. This meant redoing many, many things in my home, learning a completely new lifestyle, and becoming used to disappointment as plans change frequently due to illness or exposure to illness. Errands have to be made around the weather and allergen levels. I became used to a new normal before the rest of the world. :)

My immune system/allergy issues are just one small piece of the puzzle. Basically, my health was falling apart. Multiple steroids daily with additional rounds of high-dose steroids in times of stress/acute illness as well as being on antibiotics more than off meant intense weight issues and side effects in each system in my body. In the past few years, I have undergone months and months of both physical and occupational therapy as I learned to deal with new weaknesses, falls and loss of coordination. Yet, in all this time, I was praying for strength, not healing. God had answered.

Then, God changed my heart to pray for healing. The very next day, my brother gave me a book to read which talked about alternative treatment. Through this book, we were connected to a nutritional clinic in another state. God provided an appointment and financial assistance as they do not take insurance. Step by step, moving forward, God has provided.

Two weeks ago, I began easing into the new treatment which is intense. Within one week, we began to see positive changes in every bodily system. 

Two weeks later, changes continue to come. The biggest change is that after around 20 years of several visits to the Pulmonologist each year, I now only have to go when needed. My lungs are stable at the moment! (It doesn't mean they are healed, but that we are effectively avoiding allergens and germs as well as using the correct medicine combination.) What a blessing and surprise!

God is using this new treatment plan. We don't know what the outcome will be, but we are excited to see what God is going to do. 

As I walk this journey, may I glorify God! May He use my life for His purposes! I am learning to apply Philippians 4:11b-13 HCSB, "for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content - whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me."

Stay tuned...

Gates of Praise

Daily Living with a chronic illness can be discouraging. Not feeling well day in and day out can quickly lead to discouragement. Deep, never-ending struggle with pain, fatigue, and weakness can lead easily to one's focusing only on the hard.

The past few weeks have been exhausting with chronic illness flares, falls, injuries, and profound fatigue. The doctors couldn't quite figure out what was wrong until a routine antibody test showed that I had had covid. That "normal January bronchitis" wasn't so normal or so bronchitis. Oops... everything suddenly made sense. The past few months since then have honestly been hard, but having answers helps! It all makes sense now.

Before I was sick in January, "JOY" became my word of the year. It has been so appropriate! As I studied on joy and praise this week, I noticed something. Praise is as important to God as a gatekeeper. Stop. Think about that. A gatekeeper protects. Praise protects! 

In fact, praise and gates are seen together in Scripture frequently.

• 1 Chronicles 23:5 - God assigned 4,000 gatekeepers and 4,000 people to praise. Think of that. 4,000 people protect the gates and 4,000 people have no job other than praising. Both jobs were important.
• 2 Chronicles 8:14 - Again, those assigned to praise are also mentioned with the gatekeepers. People were assigned to praise.
• 2 Chronicles 31:2 - People were assigned to praise in the gates. The people in the gates were protectors. Those who praised protected.
• Isaiah 60:8 - The gates were named praise.

Hmmm... this made me stop. Any situation that seems overwhelming and never-ending can color ones outlook. Praise is a protection against the dreary black which quickly comes. One morning this past week, I approached my quiet time with an extreme weariness in body, mind, and soul. My heart remembered these verses on gates and praise. I began writing all I could about who God is and writing and writing, thanking Him! Soon, while still weary physically, my mind and soul were restored. Praise made a difference!

May we remember that praise is a vital weapon against the enemy. God inhabits the praise of His people. (Psalm 22:3)

Great You Are!

Running Quickly Toward the Enemy?

The words jumped off the page at me, "David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet the Philistine." 1 Samuel 17:48 Wait... what... he ran QUICKLY... to meet the ENEMY?! I stopped. Reread the passage. Yup... that is what it said!

You have to read the passage around it, 1 Samuel 17:45-50. The enemy has been taunting the Israelites and then begins to make fun of David's youth and size when David dares to fight him. It didn't matter to David. It didn't matter that Goliath was a giant, a full-grown man. Why? 

• David was sure in His God. He was coming in God's strength and on God's behalf. 
• David knew that Goliath was not defying the Israelites, but God.
• David was confident in what God was going to do. He described it graphically.
• David knew that the victory was coming from God.
• David knew whose battle it was and who was going to win it.

And so, he ran toward the enemy. He ran to meet the enemy. He used the weapons God had provided for him. He prevailed over the enemy when others had cowered. He prevailed through God alone.

Woah. 

Selah. 

Amen.

Those with chronic illnesses, those who have to be isolated, know the battles we fight on a daily basis seem immense. Many times, the battles are those of our thoughts and feelings. Let's face it, whether you are the person with chronic illness or close to someone with a chronic illness, the battle can be fierce. Maybe your battle is not that of the mind or the grinding away of the tedium of the chronic illness. You want just one day, one hour, without the fight. Whatever your battle is, God knows.

I don't know about you, but when the battles come, I want to run away from them. Running to them seems a bit... well... crazy, honestly. But, I think that is because I tend to try to battle them on my own. Yet, the battle is the Lord's. He has already won. He gives us this power and His armor. The battle is not ours, but the Lord's. Therefore, it is not crazy to run to the battle as David did.

Wow... my heart was challenged. 

• I can be sure in My God. I can move forward in God's strength and on His behalf.
• I can know that the enemy is defying God, not me.
• I can be confident in what God is doing.
• I can know that the victory is coming from God.
• I can know whose battle it is and who is going to win.

And so, I can run toward the enemy. I can run to meet the enemy. I can use the weapons God has provided for me. I can prevail over the enemy through God alone. 

He Knows Us

Someone asked me the other day what I liked to do for fun, for a hobby. I knew they were asking from a place of caring and compassion as my allergies, immune system, and conditions provide many limitations. I hesitated before answering. Many of my typical hobbies such as reading, music, and crafting have been severely limited due to increasing allergies and decreasing mobility in joints. Hmmm... Cleaning and fighting for survival didn't seem like socially acceptable answers. Those answers also sounded depressing when my life is abundant (John 10:10) even having to be inside and isolated a majority of the time. 

My daily routine of health looks something like this: 4 AM meds and then beginning a three-hour med/snack routine from 6 AM to 6 PM; my house must be "white-gloved" and all fabric cleaned weekly although some things such as cleaning out cupboards are done every few months. All food must be made from scratch and be gluten, sugar, and dairy free, low-salt/carb and high protein; hydration and movement are vital throughout the day. Physical and occupational therapy must be accomplished. I work full time, a fact for which I am exceedingly grateful! My 12 braces and weakness hamper my speed a bit. Frequent infections sap some of the remaining strength many weeks. Remembering current limitations and allergies is a chore in itself. Whew! I know many of my chronic warrior friends can relate and have routines/limitations that are even greater than mine. 

I started thinking. Some weeks, the above tasks are cumbersome, tedious. Yet... it is becoming routine. If all of these restrictions and needs had come at once, I honestly would have quit. My thoughts turned to Exodus 13:17-22. God didn't take the Israelites on the most direct route straight out of Egypt. Why? They weren't ready and would have turned back. However, He takes us step by step. As He did with the Israelites, our gracious Father goes with us to guide and protect us even if it is not in a visible cloud and fire as He did with them. (How cool would that be, though!) He takes us on a path that is designed with our current needs and growth in mind. Psalm 103:13-14 sums it up well. As a Father, God shows us compassion and remembers our frailty. He knows where we are at and what is best for us.

Looking forward to the future, my health routine will change and grow. Yet, I have no fear. God is guiding me and walking with me. He will never leave. (Hebrews 13:5b) He knows the way that I take. (Job 23:10) As He did with the Egyptians, He will take me on a path for which He will provide. 

As Dad said many times, "Who wouldn't love a God like that?" 

Morning By Morning New Mercies I See

Have you ever woke up in the morning and thought... I can't. I can't do the same thing one more day. I can't deal with the medical calls, bills, pills, and health routines one more day. It is too much. I just want a break. Yes... I have been there. 

The pandemic has seemed to make this even more pronounced as every day seems strangely the same. It is the same routine over and over and over again. 

You know what is great? God's mercy also is the same day after day after day. It is new every morning. One of my favorite hymns then comes to mind: Great Is Thy Faithfulness and the song, New Today.

You see, His mercy is new every day. On top of that, He also has told us that His strength is made perfect in weakness. His grace is sufficient. Mercy and Grace. 

So as we struggle each day, we can rest on His Mercy and His Grace and do the next thing.

As Elizabeth Elliot reminded us, 

From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the doors the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration: “DO THE NEXT THING.”
Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, do the next thing
Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all results, do the next thing.
Looking for Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as He beckons thee, do the next thing.
– Elizabeth Elliot

The Waiting Is Important

Sonnet 19: When I consider how my light is spent
BY JOHN MILTON

When I consider how my light is spent, 

   Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide, 

   And that one Talent which is death to hide 

   Lodged with me useless, though my Soul more bent 

To serve therewith my Maker, and present 

   My true account, lest he returning chide; 

   “Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?” 

   I fondly ask. But patience, to prevent 

That murmur, soon replies, “God doth not need 

   Either man’s work or his own gifts; who best 

   Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state 

Is Kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed 

   And post o’er Land and Ocean without rest: 

   They also serve who only stand and wait.”

This poem is also called "On His Blindness." The last line strikes me. 

Many days, as someone who is chronically ill, waiting doesn't seem like serving. But, waiting in prayer is a very important part of serving. In fact, God has it as part of his purpose. He uses the waiting as part of His will for us. 

Honestly, I want to study this more, but have thought about several servants of God who had to wait and for whom God used the waiting: David, Moses, Abraham, Elijah, and Paul just to name a few. God used the waiting to train them, to mold them. God is in the waiting! 

Opportunity Knocks

 Sometimes, when the days of isolation and chronic illness get long, I forget that these days are an opportunity. I am sure some of you who also suffer chronic illnesses can relate. 

Actually, these days are opportunities. Oh, that I would actually remember this when those days get hard. Opportunity? Really? That is what I want to say on the long days, the hard days. 

Yes, opportunity. 

Opportunity to offer the sacrifice of praise. 

Opportunity to showcase His strength for mine is small.

Opportunity to simply be with Him as we can do little else.

Opportunity to love God and love people. 

Opportunity to exercise and strengthen our faith that God is in control and knows best.

Opportunity to take needs to our Savior as an intercessor.

Each of these opportunities could be a complete post, rich and deep. 

God has been working in my life and heart recently to simply ... be, to use the opportunities that He provides to simply love Him and love those around me, whatever that means. As I sit at His feet and talk with Him, I will see these opportunities more clearly through His eyes. I think God has given us, the chronically ill who are more isolated now than ever, this opportunity. So many are hurting right now. There is so much need right now. 

Will I simply be with Him to see the opportunities in the suffering? It is a new and fresh perspective in the long days! :)