The Gift of Chronic Illness

As I listened to this broadcast, I could but think again that God has given those of us with chronic illnesses the gift of illness to have time out to pray. 

https://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/heartbeat-prayer/

I would love to hear what you think and how God is working in your life through His gift.

Murmurings and Disputings

As all with chronic conditions know, it can be very difficult to submit to God's will and plan for not just our lives as a whole, but for daily disappointments. Plans are subject to change without notice due to flares. Seemingly simple daily tasks can sap all the energy we have. Serving God may seem impossible as we cannot serve in the typical ways. Yet, God has a plan!

How will we respond to the disappointment and pain? Disappointment is not a sin; our response to disappointment can be. Recent weeks have placed me in the trenches of this battle. It is a daily, no, moment by moment choice to rejoice instead of complain.

The ladies Bible study that meets in my home has been studying Philippians over the past many months using Carrie Gaul's study of Joy in the Midst. What a blessing it has been! (Side note: She recently taught several lessons on suffering on Revive Our Hearts which are an incredible encouragement.) 

Currently, we are studying Philippians 2:14-15. These verses give instruction not to murmur or dispute. Why? to shine as lights in the world. Do you realize that our response to suffering can shine God's light through us in a dark world of hurting people? Had you ever considered that a joyful response to chronic illness may be God's mission field for you? As a young person, I longed to be a missionary for Him someday and was willing to go anywhere for Him. Will I also be willing to go to weakness for Him? 

v. 16 shows how we receive the strength for this joy and gratitude - through His Word. (Also see Psalm 107:20.) What a motivation not to complain and dispute with God over His plan for our life today!

How can we be content in weakness? Philippians 4:10-14 shows that we can be content through Jesus Christ. We often use the verse "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" as a catchall verse. Yet, in context, it is about being content. Being content is a choice, but can only be done in Christ's strength. 

Throughout Philippians, Paul continually praises God even for His chains simply because Christ is being preached. What if we changed our perspective from temporary pain and disappointment to seeing that God may have called us to this pain to shine His light in places where we couldn't otherwise. He uses weakness. Is that not amazing and something to rejoice? 

It really comes down to a trust issue. Will we trust that God knows best and has a purpose for each thing that comes our way? Will we trust that He can be glorified in our life of weakness and disappointment? Will we actively seek to love and glorify Him through whatever He brings?

The choice must be made daily. What will you choose today?

For Such A Time As This

The phrase of Esther 4:14, "... for such a time as this..." kept running through my mind and heart the past couple weeks. It seemed as if my heart was overwhelmed by all the need that I saw around me - broken people, needy people, and people in bondage. 

"...come to the kingdom for such a time as this..." Lord, what do you mean? What are you trying to tell me? 

The need continued. Requests for help came from our pastor; yet, I had to decline due to my own physical weakness at the moment. 

"...for such a time as this..."

My heart bled wanting to do more for the need, but quite frankly, simply getting through work daily is taking all my energy. We are on overtime for weeks, long days, and weekends. I felt helpless as I battle the treatment effects, poor breathing, stumbling, falling, fatigue and insomnia which will last for months. What could I do? Yet, my heart was aching at a time when I am too weak to do much at all, when every day is a struggle simply to do basic responsibilities, when I myself have had to ask for help. In desperation, I continued to wonder what God was trying to tell me and asked for His wisdom.

"...for such a time as this..."

Then, it hit me. God has called me to this "kingdom" of struggle, pain, and weakness to pray fervently. God works through prayer. God took Esther away from her family to a strange place. Her kingdom meant saying no to her own desires and giving her life for God's will. In different ways, my weakness is putting me in the same place - a place of isolation, loneliness, exhaustion, and pain. 

Quite frankly, I cannot do this. Isn't that cool! I am being forced to rely on God's strength, companionship, and power. I am being given a rare gift of time to spend with Him, study His Word, and time to pray (by the time I am home from work I am too worn out to do anything, yet can't sleep).

It hit me that he has called me to this prolonged season or weakness, this kingdom, to grow, learn, and pray. 

"...for such a time as this..." How often have I wanted more time to pray? He is providing that time. 

Yes, this kingdom is difficult, yet God uses affliction to draw us to Himself and purify us. This kingdom is also a calling, a blessing.

What is your kingdom? What has God brought you to "...for such a time as this..."?

Embrace or Escape?

A friend shared this quote with me yesterday. It sums up what God has been teaching me in recent days.

"It doesn't matter, really, how great the pressure is; it only matters where the pressure lies.  See that it never comes between you and the Lord -- then, the greater the pressure, the more it presses you to His breast."  Hudson Taylor

Recently, my health has been my prolonged trial as wave after wave of chronic illness flare have come, hindering what I want to do, making every task exhausting, and making me more prone to discouragement. Will I allow this trial to push me closer to Christ (embracing it) instead of allowing it to push me away (escaping what God plans to do)? 

Driving away from a doctor's appointment where I learned another round of required treatment would mean many months of weakness, suppressed immune system, and an endless list of nasty side effects while on prolonged overtime at work, my heart cried out to my Father as I drove home that He would help me glorify Him and walk through this graciously when I wanted to run and hide until the trial passed. I asked that He help me keep my gaze focused completely on Him during this time. He graciously has been counseling my heart in embracing this trial and trusting Him. Although I can't express His lessons in flowery words, I want to share what He has been teaching as He draws me nearer during this time.

When trials come, will I embrace them or try to escape, resenting the hardship rather than receiving the hardship as a gift from God. It is natural and easy to try to escape through novels, movies, hermitage, constant noise, and avoidance of the truth. It is easy to allow roots of bitterness to spring up in reaction to a long trial, bringing you and others around you down. 

Embracing and receiving the prolonged hardship is the more difficult and grace driven approach. But, how do we embrace the trial? Much of this comes in how we view the trial. 

• James 1:17 indicates that every good gift comes from our Father. Sometimes, those good gifts are in a very different form from what we would have chosen yet are just as precious.
• In Psalm 119:67 , we see that afflictions can be used to draw us to Himself, to keep us from going astray. Job indicates that the trials would make him come forth as gold. 
• Job declared that the Lord gave and the Lord took away, yet... blessed be the name of the Lord! He realized that God is the owner of his life and trustworthy.

So many other passages came to mind as God drew my heart to Him and realized that this time was truly a time for which to praise our precious Savior as He uses it in my life. With this proper perspective on the trial as part of God's plan, how can we walk through this graciously and live out the embracing of His will? After going to the Father, I reached out to my prayer partners asking for prayer support during the next months. These prayer partners are also faithful in calling me out if I become self-absorbed or sinful in my response to this trial. I am so blessed to have this support network! 

God has reminded me over the past few weeks that there is still a way to serve Him even in the prolonged weakness.

• He is teaching me to be a Mary worshipping at His feet instead of a Martha.
• He reminded me that He has made my body and knows my weaknesses. He will give me strength to serve in whatever way He wills. In Exodus 4, God uses what Moses has in His hand to do His service. He also reminds Moses that He made Him and knows his strength. It has seemed that God has continued to ask me, "What is that in your hand?" and "Who has made your mouth?" It made me look around at how I could serve Him where He has me right now through prayer and notes of encouragement. 
• As I struggle to feel guilty when I can't do much, He reminded me of 1 Peter 4:11. He only expects to give as He has given ability... not beyond that.  
• Paul is a wonderful example in service in trials. He was not concerned for himself, but that God would be glorified. He rejoiced in his chains. :) Jesus came to him at one point and told him to be of good cheer since he would testify of him in Rome as well. It struck me as he was going to be testifying of Jesus in Rome in chains. Yet... Jesus told him to be of good cheer. Why? because glorifying God was most important. In the same way, God uses our weakness to show His strength. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10; 1 Corinthians 1:27)

All in all, it will be a daily, moment by moment choice to embrace and be grateful for what He is doing. :) May God be glorified! :) He is all in all!

Lessons from a Cast

Last week, I was released from my cast after a fall. It is wonderful to have the use of both hands! As I contemplated my freedom, it hit me that there are many lessons to be learned from my cast.

1. Sometimes, we need restrictions and rest for a time to heal. Mark 6:31 shows Jesus having the disciples take time to rest and recharge after much serving. Jesus Himself spent time alone with the Father. In our busy culture, we need to set both daily guidelines to allow for rest and time with God and periodic prolonged periods to recharge both physically and spiritually. These times could be seen as "casts" to allow healing. Just as my cast restricted me to allow rest and healing, my schedule restrictions allow rest and healing. 
2. While I had the cast, it was necessary to ask for more help than usual. It is easy to think that we can bear all of our burdens and do all ourselves. This can be pride. Galatians 6 shows how we are to bear each other's burdens as well as bearing our own. We should do what we can for ourselves and others, but also allow others to help us. The cast made this a necessity. I had to submit to others during this time. I Peter 5 addresses this humility of submitting to others, trusting God, and casting the care/burden on Him. 
3. The cast was uncomfortable and inhibited daily life. Many times, I simply wanted to remove the cast myself. I wanted comfort. In the same way, some of the things God brings into our lives are uncomfortable, but God uses them for His good. Psalm 71:20-25 tells how God brought trouble, but will revive us again. Oftentimes, the trouble serves to prepare us for a future task.
4. After the cast was removed, my skin needed much care to remove the dead and moisturize the dry skin. It hit me that if I hibernate away from others, my dead skin spiritually speaking is not removed. I need the interaction with other believers who will exhort and encourage me. If I am away from the water of the Word and not submitting to the oil of the Spirit, my spiritual life becomes very dry just as my skin did. I must take care to keep my spiritual life healthy! 
5. Slowly, my muscles and joints are gaining strength after their long rest. If I do not exercise my spiritual muscles and joints, they become weak and stiff. It takes time to build up the spiritual strength.

So many life lessons from just a few weeks in the cast. :) 

Sometimes, post script

Sometimes, God's answers to prayer are yes, but not in a way we would expect!

Within hours of posting last week, I fell. hard. on concrete. Did I mention that I fell hard, met the sidewalk up close and personal?

It was on the way into a meeting that would be hard but good, in which I knew God was calling me to graciously speak the truth of His Word when the easier path would be to be quiet. I had steadily been praying for humility in leading up to this meeting. He granted it just not in the way I would have. :) As I fell, I thought two things... 1) It seemed that the devil was working to prevent truth, 2) God was answering the prayer for humility! I sat through the meeting, spoke truth, and watched God work while in increasing intense pain. I realized that God was putting me in a place where NOTHING could be done in my strength. 

Side note: God intervened in the meeting in so many ways. My thoughts and opinions matter not. His Word is all that matters... He must be glorified. As Joshua 5:13-16 shows, God was not for Joshua or the enemy, but He is God and will be glorified. He is not about my selfish agendas! 

I ended up with a broken hand, displaced finger, sprained foot, sprained ankle, and multiple bruises and scrapes. Ouch! What good could come out of this? How could I keep going with these injuries on top of the current health struggles? Much good can come out of this. In looking back at the week which I survived, I saw many blessings and the hand of God!

Here are a few highlights:

• being able to work just short of 32 hours with all the normal health challenges combined with injuries... so grateful!
• learning that while my foot and ankle are both just sprained (YAY), the radiologist found a possible tumor in my leg bone. I must admit I simply laughed out loud with it since it was just one. more. thing!
• learning that I had been cleared from both the leg bone tumor (just the old break showing) AND the pituitary gland tumor. HALLELUJAH
• discovering that EVERYTHING takes three to four times as long to do when you are in my shape, but becoming so, so grateful for being able to do what I can! It is amazing how your priorities shift and show.
• finding that God WILL answer prayers for humility and lofstrand crutches... just not quite in the way or time I anticipated! Our Father is AMAZING!
• being frustrated that time with Him is not happening as much as I would like right now due to my health and feeling as if that makes me less desirable in His eyes only to be lovingly reminded by our Father that He made me, allowed this, and loves me the same. My time with Him is just more broken up in small moments throughout the day. :)
• seeing His abundant provision of food, rides to the store, funds, ladies from church coming to prepare said food, do dishes, needed equipment to be as independent as possible, and laundry. Seriously!!!! A niece came to clean and another lady is coming Monday night. Amazing grace!!!!
• watching God be more concerned with glorifying Himself and changing me into His likeness than my immediate "comfort!" He is revealing more sin and extending forgiveness. This is good.
• oberving God using my injuries in others lives. :)
• being thankful for the medical workers help and availability

Yeah... it has been quite a week. The ladies at church keep reminding me that God is still teaching me to rest! I am used to being the one serving, not the one having to be served. What a place to be! Yet,God continues to give opportunity to serve with limited strength through prayer, etc.!!!!

Romans 8:28-29 and Philippians 4 have become so precious!

What about you? What is overwhelming? Are you focused on the trial or on God? He is an amazing God!!!! May He be glorified! Sometimes, these trials are Him making us more like Christ, allowing God to be glorified!

Sometimes...

Sometimes, God's answers to our prayers are not what we would expect. Consider this quote...

"They were people who were living to themselves. Their hopes, promises, and dreams still controlled them. They had asked for a repentant heart and had surrendered themselves with a willingness to pay any price for it, and He sent them sorrow. They had asked for purity, and He sent them sudden anguish. They had asked for meekness, and He had broken their hearts. They had asked to be dead to the world, and He killed all their living hopes. They had asked to be made like Him, so He placed them in the fire "as a refiner and purifier of silver" (Mal. 3:3), until they could reflect His image. They had asked to help carry His cross, yet when He held it out to them, it cut and tore their hands." ~Streams in the Desert, October 17.

At the first, this quote seems to be discouraging, even despairing. However, upon closer inspection, hope and love spring forth. You  see, sometimes the unexpected gifts from God are greater than our expected ones. :)

Sigh. I had prayed to be closer to my Lord, to rely on Him and to shine His love more. I had prayed to have His will for my life, to submit to Him. Some would say that I should then experience health, wealth, and happiness. Yet, I found this quote interesting as it was the devotional on the very day a trip to a specialist revealed that my most recent health challenges were simply chronic. The good news is that there is no more neurological damage. (For those wondering, I do have a brain!) This is good news indeed and encouraging. 

The harder news is that the symptoms are going to be with me. Muscle weakness, insidious muscle weakness is most likely a side effect of the asthma medications and is potentially permanent. Chronic fatigue syndrome has flared once again, the type of fatigue that at times makes it impossible to move and makes one's strength incredibly precious. This type of fatigue that is always with someone and hinders life. Complicated migraines which mimic stroke and cause everyday life to be ... hard... just hard. It has become a struggle to do basic duties. These things are not life threatening, but life altering.

This morning as I pondered these things in the quiet of my house, an overwhelming gratefulness swept over me. My life is changing of necessity. Daily, I am running out of strength before I run out of my duties. Why would I then be overwhelmed with gratefulness? You see, in my weakness, I have been given a precious gift and choice. Will I let Him shine through? I will be moved out of the way since I am so frail. He is my only hope! :) I began to ponder and remember these verses:

• His strength will be made perfect and shine forth. :) 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, "7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 
• An opportunity to learn contentment is given to me. What a gift! :) Philippians 4:11-13, "11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ[b] who strengthens me."
• And, in my weakness, I am drawn closer to my precious Savior who suffered so much for me. He is the Master Gardener and is pruning me. The Gardener is closest to the plant when He is pruning. :) John 15:1-4, “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away;[a] and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me."
• My life is not about me or my happiness, but about glorifying God! As John the Baptist said in John 3:30, "30 He must increase, but I must decrease."

As I pondered all of this this morning, my heart was overcome with gratitude. God has given me this amazing gift as well as so many provisions and blessings. He has blessed with a wonderful support system in family and friends. He has given me the opportunity to get to know Him better! :) What a wonderful Savior! 

Today, my heart is focused on Him and making the choice for gratitude. The days ahead will be no less difficult. I am thankful that sometimes, His answer is different than what I expect. I am thankful that sometimes, He allows me to see that His answer provides the unspoken needs of my heart in His infinite wisdom, rather than my desires. 

May my gaze continue to stay focused on Him! May my heart continue to draw close to Him! May I say with the Psalmist, 

Joy in the Fellowship of God

A Psalm of David when he was in the wilderness of Judah.

63 O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.
2 So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.

3 Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips shall praise You.
4 Thus I will bless You while I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
5 My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.

6 When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches.
7 Because You have been my help,
Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.
8 My soul follows close behind You;
Your right hand upholds me.

9 But those who seek my life, to destroy it,
Shall go into the lower parts of the earth.
10 They shall fall by the sword;
They shall be a portion for jackals.

11 But the king shall rejoice in God;
Everyone who swears by Him shall glory;
But the mouth of those who speak lies shall be stopped."

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.