Grieve and Worship

Grieve and Worship... what? It seems impossible, doesn't it. 

The picture that comes to my mind is the picture of someone in denial, blithely gliding through a tragedy without it touching them, with a pasted on smile. In the past few years, I have walked the path of grief several times and have not glided through untouched. Oh, I have worshiped, but the anguish has been real. Can you relate?

Each time I have studied Job, I had a picture in my mind of his just accepting all the catastrophes nonchalantly since he worshiped and praised through it even though I knew he sat in ashes for a time. The depth of his grief was minimized in my mind as everyone always concentrated on his attitude of praise. This perception left me feeling a bit guilty as I grieved whether over people or over expectations and dreams. 

In chapter 1, after God lifts Job up to Satan as an example of a faithful man, God gives Satan permission to take all Job owns to prove that Job will remain faithful. In one day, his livestock, sheep, camels and servants are killed leaving him without livelihood. As he is hearing this news, he learns that his children have been killed. Woah. All in one swoop, everything is gone. How would he respond.

This morning as I was reading Job 1:20-22, it hit me. He grieved hard. He felt the sting, the anguish. Yet... He praised our God.

20 Then Job stood up, tore his robe, and shaved his head.[a] He fell to the ground and worshiped, 21 saying:

Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will leave this life.[b]
The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.
Praise the name of Yahweh.

22 Throughout all this Job did not sin or blame God for anything.[c]

I came to a stop as I read this passage. Job grieved. He grieved. Yet, in his grief, he did not sin or blame God. He simply praised God's holy name! 

Next, since Job was faithful, God gives permission to take Job's health. I am sure he still grieved as he remained in the ashes. Yet, even when his wife tells him to curse God, he says,

10 “You speak as a foolish woman speaks,” he told her. “Should we accept only good from God and not adversity?” Throughout all this Job did not sin in what he said.[b]

Grief and worship. My mind went to another passage. 

13 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, concerning those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.

We grieve, but we also have hope. We know that our Father is in control. We know that one day, our tears will be wiped away as we are told in Revelation 21:1-4

21 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea no longer existed. 2 I also saw the Holy City, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared like a bride adorned for her husband.

3 Then I heard a loud voice from the throne:[a]

Look! God’s dwelling[b] is with humanity,
and He will live with them.
They will be His people,
and God Himself will be with them
and be their God.[c]
4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Death will no longer exist;
grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer,
because the previous things[d] have passed away.

Recent events have left my heart with grief. Grieve, my heart, weep... and worship. God also longs for the day when He will wipe away our tears, when the grief, crying, and pain will pass away forever. 

Grieve and worship. For someday, all will be made right. 






Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers

Prison or Sanctuary?

Isolation. 

Loneliness. 

Disappointment. 

My eyes filled with tears as I realized that I was going to miss yet another special event, a precious event, because my lungs were weak once again. I had been in the house for a week and a half, resting, trying to regain strength to attend. But... I awoke that morning with weak lungs... again. There was no end in sight. 

The house could easily be my prison. However, I remembered these verses from Acts 16. 

Acts 16:23-25

"23 After they had inflicted many blows on them, they threw them in jail, ordering the jailer to keep them securely guarded. 24 Receiving such an order, he put them into the inner prison and secured their feet in the stocks.

A Midnight Deliverance

25 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them."

Paul and Silas had been beaten and thrown into an actual prison. Yet... they turned this prison in a sanctuary to praise and worship God. They knew that God was in control and loved them. They knew that it was all about Him. 

God encouraged my heart through His Word as I had my time with Him. God could make my home a sanctuary to love Him and love people. There are many ways I could serve right from my home, without going out.

Psalm 37:23-24:

"A man’s steps are established by the Lord,
and He takes pleasure in his way.
24 Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,"
because the Lord holds his hand.[a]"

My heart calmed as I realized afresh that God had established my steps. Yes, tears came as the way was hard. 

I had a decision to make which would likely affect my attitude in the long weeks of recovery. By God's grace, I chose to see my house as a sanctuary, I chose joy, chose to pray, chose to trust, and chose to praise and worship, even if I had no air to sing. 

His plans are not mine, but I know they are His best. I can trust Him as He establishes my steps and holds my hand in the struggle. He is the same God today as He was for Paul and Silas. I can pray and sing with them in struggle!

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

Grace and Satisfaction

According to Merriam Webster:

Grace. "unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification" or "a virtue coming from God" To put it more simply, God giving me what I do not deserve.

Satisfaction. "fulfillment of a need or want" or "the quality of being satisfied."

This morning, in the midst of a season not of my choosing, these verses stood out to me. (Emphasis mine.)

Psalm 37:18-19, 23-24
18 The Lord watches over the blameless all their days,
and their inheritance will last forever.
19 They will not be disgraced in times of adversity;
they will be satisfied in days of hunger.

23 A man’s steps are established by the Lord,
and He takes pleasure in his way.
24 Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,
because the Lord holds his hand.[a]

The Lord doesn't promise that adversity will not come. In fact, he says that we will not be disgraced in times of adversity and that we will have satisfaction in days of hunger. He will give us the grace in adversity. We will not be disgraced. And... even if hungry, we will be satisfied in days of hunger. 

No disgrace in times of adversity? These words hit me as my prayer is to glorify Him in the midst of this season. I am unable to do that on my own, but only through His power. He will not allow me to be disgraced. He will bring grace, not disgrace. 

Hunger will come. How can one be satisfied while hungry? Because we have God. He is our Sustainer. He will bring satisfaction! This verse speaks of physical hunger, but I believe it could also apply to those who have other needs. Perhaps the hunger is due to loneliness and isolation. God still brings satisfaction, contentment. 

We will fall, but... we will not be overwhelmed. Why? Because He holds our hands. What an amazing thought! God holds our hands as we go through the season of adversity!

What precious and simple promises to carry us through difficult seasons. 

Grace. Satisfaction. God truly does give unmerited favor and contentment no matter the circumstances!



Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers

HELP!

HELP!

One of the hardest things to admit is that help is needed. It can be humiliating and humbling. Why? Because of pride. Pride says that I can do it myself. Humility says that I am not sufficient in myself. 

For nearly a year, my health has been crumbling. Since I have dealt with chronic illnesses for 44 years, I thought I could handle it. And yet... no matter what I tried, nothing helped. My health continued to decline. Every day was a struggle to get through work and the basics of survival at home. Outside activities became too difficult to do or took much planning to rest for a couple days after the activity. Finally, I came to the place of admission that I needed help and reached out to my doctor.



As my doctor appointments approached, I asked God for wisdom and direction. Of course, I had my own ideas of what would bring healing. God in His wisdom had other plans and gently prepared me for them. 

The doctors were kind but firm, giving clear direction. I had to be willing not just to seek their help, but follow their direction. A year of striving to solve things on my own had to end. I had to give in and allow someone else to show me how to fight for health effectively. This is not easy. For several weeks, my life must change as I follow doctor's advice to return to health. Rest is difficult for me, but exactly what is needed along with learning new ways to handle the progression of the chronic illnesses. I must realize that I cannot do it on my own. I must be humble enough to ask for help.

Our gracious God does answer our cries for help as we humbly come to Him. Not only did God give direction through the doctors, but also is bringing refreshment to a very weary spirit. My time of rest began with a live-stream conference and continues with a study of the Psalms. 

The Psalmist often humbly expressed his need for help from our Lord. Look at Psalm 86, Holman Christian Standard Bible.

Psalm 86:1-4

Lament and Petition

A Davidic prayer.

1 Listen, Lord, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
2 Protect my life, for I am faithful.
You are my God; save Your servant who trusts in You.
3 Be gracious to me, Lord,
for I call to You all day long.
4 Bring joy to Your servant’s life,
because I turn to You, Lord.

Just as I had to reach out for help and then listen and follow the given advice, we must do the same thing while listening to the Lord. 

This time of learning to ask for help is a time of leaning on our great God. He will carry me through as I lean on Him and not on my own strength. He is our Provider and Sustainer!

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers

Waiting When the Season Is Long

It has been a long time since I last wrote, just shy of two years. They have been a long two years. While there have been many times of joy and laughter, there have been many hard times, times of sorrow, hurt, and prolonged illness. 

Most recently, I have had nearly a full year of one health struggle after another on top of regular life challenges, struggles and challenges that affect every part of my life and will be life-changing. These struggles have caused isolation, loneliness, and waiting. There is not an end in site as of yet.

It has been some of the hardest life lessons that I have been through; it has been some of the most cherished times in my life as God draws me close to Him. Some of the most painful times have also become the most precious as God closed one door and opened another. 

While I am finally seeing some improvement and positive changes in circumstances, there are weeks, possibly months, of recovery ahead. I wish I could say that I have and will always handle these things well, but, that would not be the truth. 

The times have been hard. So... how do we handle these times, waiting for God to work? 

We wait with courage and strength, waiting on the Lord. 
Psalm 27:14 HCSB, 

"Wait for the Lord;

be strong[a] and courageous.

Wait for the Lord."

We seek the Lord while we wait.
Lamentations 3:25 HCSB,

"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,

to the person who seeks Him."

We are steadfast, while we wait.
James 1:12 HCSB,

"A man who endures trials[a] is blessed, because when he passes the test he will receive the crown of life that God[b] has promised to those who love Him."

We are content, while we wait.
Philippians 4:11-13 HCSB,

"11 I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. 12 I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content—whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. 13 I am able to do all things through Him[a] who strengthens me."

We hope in His Word, while we wait.
Psalm 130:5 HCSB,

"I wait for Yahweh; I wait

and put my hope in His word."

We pray, praise, and sing, while we wait.
Acts 16:25 HCSB,

"About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them."

Did you notice how amazing God is in these verses? He is trustworthy. He is working in the waiting. He is still praise-worthy.

And so... while I wait for this struggling season to end, there is much to do. 

A Look Back at 2017...

Merry Christmas, 2017! :)

As my Christmas letter didn't get mailed this year, I decided to do a Christmas blog. :)

A year ago, I could never have imagined all that God has done this year. It was a year of challenges, sorrow, growing, and God doing above and beyond what I could ask or think. You see, this year as we continued our "firsts" without Dad, we were reminded again and again how precious life is, family is, and, most importantly, God is. Some of the highlights and challenges of this year include:

• learning how to better manage my health which allowed more energy and strength. The schedule and diet are stringent to manage everything, but it is well worth it.
• a wonderful family vacation to Pictured Rocks with many adventures and much laughter.
• strength to be more involved in my church which has been a blessing. 
• my first 5K. Sure... it took an hour and a half due to rough terrain, but it was wonderful to complete it! 
• an opportunity to attend the Sing!17 conference, sing in the choir, and ... sing on stage at the Grand Ole Opry! Seriously! I never dreamt I would ever have that opportunity. The entire trip was more incredible as we saw God's provision, met dear brothers and sisters in Christ, and sang in a nearly 200-person choir and with several thousand people praising God! It was indescribable to have a chance to sing with Keith and Kristyn Getty, Laura Story, Joni Erickson Tada, and many, many others. We learned so much from being in the choir as well as the conference sessions. (And... not everyone has the opportunity to do all of the above while wearing a health mask. :) )
• sorrow as my oldest brother's unexpected death again taught us to appreciate life. Our family again joined together to walk through great sorrow. 
• growing as God took us through so many ups and downs. He used each new experience to draw us closer to Him and mold us into His image.

There are pictures below of some of our adventures. 

Looking forward to 2018, I am uncertain of the future. Yet, I know Who holds the future. God will carry us through the challenges of 2018. He is faithful and His mercies are new every morning.

Behind the Mask, Part 2

A year ago, I wrote of an experience "Behind the Mask." One year later, I had another experience "Behind the Mask." This time, God showed me an example of perfect love casting out fear. (1 John 4:18)

A friend and I had the amazing opportunity to go to the Keith and Kristyn Getty SING!17 conference to learn how to help our church's music ministry more. Our excitement was high as we also were going to be in the choir for the conference and sing with many musicians we admired, even on stage at the Grand Ole Opry. We knew that worshipping with nearly 200 choir members and 5,000 in the audience not including the livestream was going to be a little piece of Heaven as we worshipped the King, our Father! :)

As we waited to begin our first choir rehearsal, my mind went back a year to the rejection I initially felt behind the mask. The past year had brought about having to wear the mask in even more situations. Would they let me sing in the choir with my health mask? Would I be rejected due to my limitations? Fears began to overcome me. My friend looked at me and held my gaze to ask a question. "Why are you here?"

"To worship God and to learn." I responded convicted.

"And where is your focus right now?" she went on.

"On my fear, limitations, and mask." I replied, sheepishly.

"Let's change that focus." she firmly but lovingly said.

Ouch. She was right. We had just been studying Ephesians 5:15-21 together in preparation for a week of music. She had decided to practice what we learned and rightfully admonished me. My fear had been overcoming my love for God.

Slowly, my focus shifted as I meditated on our God and some of the songs we were going to be singing. Choir rehearsal began. The choir director scanned his choir as we warmed up. I hate to admit that I still was a bit fearful. Would I be accepted? I watched his expression as his gaze rested on my health mask, on me. There was the slightest flicker of acknowledgement that something was different before his gaze went on to the next person.

Then, we finished the warm-up and began to sing praise to our God. The talent in the room was beyond anything I had been a part of previously. Our voices raised in full harmony to our Father. Love overcame fear; joy filled my heart until I thought it would explode. It truly was a taste of Heaven. My health mask was completely forgotten.

Throughout that week, I was accepted, mask and all. Sure... I had a few questions about it which made me chuckle from "Do you have cancer?" to "Are you paranoid about germs?" Or... when we were lining up backstage at the Grand Ole Opry and nerves were kicking in, everyone around us chuckled when I turned to ask my friend if I had anything in my teeth (not visible, obviously, under the mask) and without skipping a beat she told me I did. :) (My family and pastor even pointed out how thankful they were for the mask as it helped them locate us in the crowded choir. :) ) Throughout the week, the choir members in particular simply stepped in to help when my weakness required it, but with love, not pity.

Mainly, people simply saw me as just another member in our family praising our precious, glorious Father. :) Each person in the room had areas of brokenness for which we were eagerly awaiting our eternal Home with Jesus where we will be whole. Yet, they were forgotten as we praised the One Who will bring about this wholeness. I was no longer separated behind the mask, but one in unity with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

The last evening of the conference, Joni Eareckson Tata spoke. It was evident that after 50 years in the wheelchair serving God, she sometimes had the same difficulty with accepting and overcoming the daily, tedious struggles of living with disability. Her raw honesty was a tremendous help. She also is "behind a mask," yet whole in Christ. Perfect love casts out fear.

And so... poignant lessons were being driven home:

• I almost missed a tremendous blessing and opportunity for service by allowing my fear to overtake me instead of praising God. Focus on and praise for His perfect love overcame my fear!
• Not only are we to be exhorting and admonishing one another, but we are to be submissive to one another. We must be open to listening to our brothers and sisters of Christ to allow them to help us love and live Christ when our focus shifts.
• I must look beyond other's masks (visible and invisible) and simply love them for Christ as the precious family of God did for me that week.
• As we "turn our eyes upon Jesus," the things of earth do grow strangely dim. With our focus on Him and praising Him, joy replaces mourning; love replaces fear.

And so... I will sing praises to Him even from Behind the Mask! :)