Four months and a lifetime later...
May 23, 2016, 10:38 AM Dad passes into the arms of our loving Savior.
Many times during those four months, we thought it was our darkest hour yet God was there. We found that what seemed like the darkest hours were only grey hours and that life could and did get more difficult and challenging. God's Word, hymns, and the comfort of His Spirit became precious. God was there in the "darkest" hour and the progressively darker hours.
Psalm 23
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
It seems that I remember that journey in snapshots:
- receiving Dad's call that he would be seeing Jesus soon. His call collided with my work day. My world was rocked while the ordinary went on around me... and God was there.
- walking beside dad in a hall as he struggled to walk with a walker and remembering the years he had walked with me when I was the one on a walker or in a wheelchair. It was a precious, painful sight... and God was there.
- singing and playing piano with Dad for the last time. I must admit it took awhile after he graduated to Heaven to play again. And God came down and touched us while we played and sang. :)
- observing the grief and anguish of my family, hurting with and for them. And God was there.
- living through the hardest ten days of my life to date about two months after Dad was diagnosed. So many needs, so little sleep, so much pain... And God was there.
- progressing through the "lasts" and striving to love well. And God was there.
- learning how to caregive with grace when we were literally falling asleep standing up as well as asking forgiveness of those we loved dearest when we failed. And God was there.
- transitioning to hospice and all the pain, laughter and tears of those final days. And God was there.
- listening for every breath during the last three and a half days (a lifetime as we entered the time warp) he was home, during my last night watch, during that last morning as he met his Savior face to face. And God was there.
- experiencing for ourselves the incredible stress of losing a loved one. And God was there.
- journeying through the next weeks of numbness and healing. And God was there.
- and, finally, experiencing the firsts as we approach the holidays. And God is here.
43 But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. 2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. 3 For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour: I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee.
God's presence meant that while cancer was ugly, this dark journey became beautiful in His light as His presence upheld us. Christ's love sustained us as we were having to make difficult decisions at our most stressed time. His love allowed us to love each other and show grace at a time when we could easily have become very angry with each other.
God's presence as we walked this journey. The Holy Spirit ministered to us through the Word and songs that came to mind. He is precious.
God's provision meant that I enjoyed my peanut butter manna (gluten free peanut butter sandwiches which were my main sustenance due to diet restrictions) and we enjoyed the treats people brought. We became increasingly grateful for things which we would normally take for granted, things like vegetables, fruit, and a hot meal.
God's family were amazing during this time as people rallied around us through prayer, letting us crash at their house, preparing meals, bringing vegetables, so many ways. They were literally His hands and feet to us through this difficult time.
God's timing was perfect. Early on my cousin who had lost her father a few years earlier told me that we would look back later and see His hand in all of this. She was right. We did see how what we saw as disasters at the time were actually part of His timing.
God's love, mercy, and grace have become so much more precious. It is true that the last eighteen months or so have been some of the hardest we have ever journeyed. We can be thankful for this time, however, as it has allowed us to experience God in more meaningful ways.
Now, I pray that as we have been comforted through it, we may go out and comfort others.
2 Corinthians 1:4English Standard Version (ESV)
4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
God's family were amazing during this time as people rallied around us through prayer, letting us crash at their house, preparing meals, bringing vegetables, so many ways. They were literally His hands and feet to us through this difficult time.
God's timing was perfect. Early on my cousin who had lost her father a few years earlier told me that we would look back later and see His hand in all of this. She was right. We did see how what we saw as disasters at the time were actually part of His timing.
God's love, mercy, and grace have become so much more precious. It is true that the last eighteen months or so have been some of the hardest we have ever journeyed. We can be thankful for this time, however, as it has allowed us to experience God in more meaningful ways.
Now, I pray that as we have been comforted through it, we may go out and comfort others.
2 Corinthians 1:4English Standard Version (ESV)
4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
