Waiting With God

This year has been a wonderful, challenging year. It has been the year of the unexpected, the year of waiting. Many times I have begun to write about the challenges of this year and had to stop. It is hard to put it all in words. Waiting with God sums it up.

The past few weeks, my church has been studying the waiting of advent through a study by Lou Giglio. A quote from this study stood out to me, "Waiting for God, with God." Wow... that describes this year. God has been there in the waiting while we waited to see what He was doing.

This past week, we looked at James 1:2-4:
"2 Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials,3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing."

Consider it joy? What? And 2 Corinthians 4, particularly verses 7-15:
"7 Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. 8 We are pressured in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; 9 we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed. 10 We always carry the death of Jesus in our body, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who live are always given over to death because of Jesus, so that Jesus’ life may also be revealed in our mortal flesh. 12 So death works in us, but life in you. 13 And since we have the same spirit of faith in keeping with what is written, I believed, therefore I spoke,[b] we also believe, and therefore speak. 14 We know that the One who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and present us with you. 15 Indeed, everything is for your benefit, so that grace, extended through more and more people, may cause thanksgiving to increase to God’s glory."

The treasure we have refers to verses 5-6: 
"5 For we are not proclaiming ourselves but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your slaves because of Jesus. 6 For God who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of God’s glory in the face of Jesus Christ."

Just think... God can shine through the worst of circumstances. He is with us in the waiting for His working.

This year, God is teaching me to lean on Him in the waiting and to learn joy through it all. 

The year started on crutches and in a boot from an injury all while caregiving for my mom. So many in our family were hurting or in challenging situations. We each gave what we could to help my mom through a very difficult time. She graciously endured with an uncertain future. It was a difficult time as we waited on God. He was with us in the waiting. 

There were some funny moments in the midst of this trial. Multiple times at ER or doctors offices I was mistaken for the patient due to my health mask, three leg braces/boots, and crutches. Why would they think I was the patient?? I joked about getting a t-shirt that said, "I'm not the patient. I am the CAREGIVER." :) It did make for some pretty funny interactions.

As mom began to heal, my health struggles ramped up. The orthopedic let me know that while I did not have to have surgery (woohoo!), my injury would take a full year... yes, YEAR... to heal. In the midst, I came down with my annual bronchitis. Little did we know that this year the bronchitis would be life-changing.

This bronchitis started a cycle of one infection and asthma exacerbation after another, chronic illness flare, and stroke symptoms resurfaced as they do in times of weakness. Finally, I scheduled an appointment with my GP to see what could be done. God was with us as a dear friend and I waited for the appointment. My expectation was to go back to work after the appointment. 

God had other plans. The news was not what I expected. It started weeks of unexpected and life-changing plans. The doctor prescribed six weeks off work and basically staying inside due to germ and respiratory irritant avoidance... six weeks with the possibility of returning to work after four weeks. 

The next few weeks were spent resting, waiting, going to tests, waiting, unexpected results, waiting. Each time they did a test, more "suspicious" areas showed up. When those were tested, more "suspicious areas" showed. A trip to the emergency room was thrown in the mix just to keep things interesting, and, to lengthen the medical leave. 

Finally, after months of testing and specialist appointments, we have a few answers while we still await others. My life may never be the same. Currently, due to four different struggles affecting my respiratory and immune systems, my house is my world for the foreseeable future. 

Honestly, isolation and loneliness became my new reality. Flexibility, changed plans, and disappointment are now part of my reality as inclement weather or weak days or sickness mean canceled plans. These things are hard to swallow at times. How can there be joy in these things? There can be. One can thrive in these things! God is with me in the waiting and has shown me that there is joy although there were times I could only see the darkness.

As I healed and rested, God worked in my heart and life. The darkness began to change to light. God brought just what I needed and provided:

• a set of stuffed pink lungs with smiley faces which made me smile

• an amazing family and church family who walked the journey beside me in too many ways to list

• projects being completed to make my house allergy friendly and suited to my new reality

• an amazing medical team who persisted and are persisting to get through this

• allergen-free food just when I needed it

• house cleaning, meals, and errands run

• fish and snails (yes... I now have twelve pets... 8 fish and 4 water snails and love them!)

• leave time to cover my time off

• work from home

• amazing supervisor and coworkers who simply supported and are supporting me in this fight to return to some sort of normalcy

• cards, emails, texts from friends who stood beside me

• friends and family/church family who avoided me when germs hit them

• time with Him, realization that He is sufficient

• music... music which lifts the heart to Him

• peace in the midst of the complete unknown

Life is different now and must be. As my world has become limited to my house, God is teaching me Philippians, particularly Philippians 4. I am learning to be content and rely on His provision. I am learning to choose to be grateful in new and deeper ways. I am learning to wait WITH God as I wait.
He is also teaching me to watch for others who are in similar situations. There are many lonely and isolated people who just need a friend. Although my world has shrunk to my house in many ways, it has also expanded as I learn of others who just need a friend. There is much work to be done!

This past year has been challenging. This year has been wonderful. It has been a year of learning to know God in a deeper and amazing way. It is a year of learning to wait with God while I wait for God. And now... I look forward to the new year to see what God has in store. One thing I know it can have is JOY! :) 

Grieve and Worship

Grieve and Worship... what? It seems impossible, doesn't it. 

The picture that comes to my mind is the picture of someone in denial, blithely gliding through a tragedy without it touching them, with a pasted on smile. In the past few years, I have walked the path of grief several times and have not glided through untouched. Oh, I have worshiped, but the anguish has been real. Can you relate?

Each time I have studied Job, I had a picture in my mind of his just accepting all the catastrophes nonchalantly since he worshiped and praised through it even though I knew he sat in ashes for a time. The depth of his grief was minimized in my mind as everyone always concentrated on his attitude of praise. This perception left me feeling a bit guilty as I grieved whether over people or over expectations and dreams. 

In chapter 1, after God lifts Job up to Satan as an example of a faithful man, God gives Satan permission to take all Job owns to prove that Job will remain faithful. In one day, his livestock, sheep, camels and servants are killed leaving him without livelihood. As he is hearing this news, he learns that his children have been killed. Woah. All in one swoop, everything is gone. How would he respond.

This morning as I was reading Job 1:20-22, it hit me. He grieved hard. He felt the sting, the anguish. Yet... He praised our God.

20 Then Job stood up, tore his robe, and shaved his head.[a] He fell to the ground and worshiped, 21 saying:

Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will leave this life.[b]
The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.
Praise the name of Yahweh.

22 Throughout all this Job did not sin or blame God for anything.[c]

I came to a stop as I read this passage. Job grieved. He grieved. Yet, in his grief, he did not sin or blame God. He simply praised God's holy name! 

Next, since Job was faithful, God gives permission to take Job's health. I am sure he still grieved as he remained in the ashes. Yet, even when his wife tells him to curse God, he says,

10 “You speak as a foolish woman speaks,” he told her. “Should we accept only good from God and not adversity?” Throughout all this Job did not sin in what he said.[b]

Grief and worship. My mind went to another passage. 

13 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, concerning those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.

We grieve, but we also have hope. We know that our Father is in control. We know that one day, our tears will be wiped away as we are told in Revelation 21:1-4

21 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea no longer existed. 2 I also saw the Holy City, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared like a bride adorned for her husband.

3 Then I heard a loud voice from the throne:[a]

Look! God’s dwelling[b] is with humanity,
and He will live with them.
They will be His people,
and God Himself will be with them
and be their God.[c]
4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Death will no longer exist;
grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer,
because the previous things[d] have passed away.

Recent events have left my heart with grief. Grieve, my heart, weep... and worship. God also longs for the day when He will wipe away our tears, when the grief, crying, and pain will pass away forever. 

Grieve and worship. For someday, all will be made right. 






Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers

Prison or Sanctuary?

Isolation. 

Loneliness. 

Disappointment. 

My eyes filled with tears as I realized that I was going to miss yet another special event, a precious event, because my lungs were weak once again. I had been in the house for a week and a half, resting, trying to regain strength to attend. But... I awoke that morning with weak lungs... again. There was no end in sight. 

The house could easily be my prison. However, I remembered these verses from Acts 16. 

Acts 16:23-25

"23 After they had inflicted many blows on them, they threw them in jail, ordering the jailer to keep them securely guarded. 24 Receiving such an order, he put them into the inner prison and secured their feet in the stocks.

A Midnight Deliverance

25 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them."

Paul and Silas had been beaten and thrown into an actual prison. Yet... they turned this prison in a sanctuary to praise and worship God. They knew that God was in control and loved them. They knew that it was all about Him. 

God encouraged my heart through His Word as I had my time with Him. God could make my home a sanctuary to love Him and love people. There are many ways I could serve right from my home, without going out.

Psalm 37:23-24:

"A man’s steps are established by the Lord,
and He takes pleasure in his way.
24 Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,"
because the Lord holds his hand.[a]"

My heart calmed as I realized afresh that God had established my steps. Yes, tears came as the way was hard. 

I had a decision to make which would likely affect my attitude in the long weeks of recovery. By God's grace, I chose to see my house as a sanctuary, I chose joy, chose to pray, chose to trust, and chose to praise and worship, even if I had no air to sing. 

His plans are not mine, but I know they are His best. I can trust Him as He establishes my steps and holds my hand in the struggle. He is the same God today as He was for Paul and Silas. I can pray and sing with them in struggle!

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

Grace and Satisfaction

According to Merriam Webster:

Grace. "unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification" or "a virtue coming from God" To put it more simply, God giving me what I do not deserve.

Satisfaction. "fulfillment of a need or want" or "the quality of being satisfied."

This morning, in the midst of a season not of my choosing, these verses stood out to me. (Emphasis mine.)

Psalm 37:18-19, 23-24
18 The Lord watches over the blameless all their days,
and their inheritance will last forever.
19 They will not be disgraced in times of adversity;
they will be satisfied in days of hunger.

23 A man’s steps are established by the Lord,
and He takes pleasure in his way.
24 Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,
because the Lord holds his hand.[a]

The Lord doesn't promise that adversity will not come. In fact, he says that we will not be disgraced in times of adversity and that we will have satisfaction in days of hunger. He will give us the grace in adversity. We will not be disgraced. And... even if hungry, we will be satisfied in days of hunger. 

No disgrace in times of adversity? These words hit me as my prayer is to glorify Him in the midst of this season. I am unable to do that on my own, but only through His power. He will not allow me to be disgraced. He will bring grace, not disgrace. 

Hunger will come. How can one be satisfied while hungry? Because we have God. He is our Sustainer. He will bring satisfaction! This verse speaks of physical hunger, but I believe it could also apply to those who have other needs. Perhaps the hunger is due to loneliness and isolation. God still brings satisfaction, contentment. 

We will fall, but... we will not be overwhelmed. Why? Because He holds our hands. What an amazing thought! God holds our hands as we go through the season of adversity!

What precious and simple promises to carry us through difficult seasons. 

Grace. Satisfaction. God truly does give unmerited favor and contentment no matter the circumstances!



Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers

HELP!

HELP!

One of the hardest things to admit is that help is needed. It can be humiliating and humbling. Why? Because of pride. Pride says that I can do it myself. Humility says that I am not sufficient in myself. 

For nearly a year, my health has been crumbling. Since I have dealt with chronic illnesses for 44 years, I thought I could handle it. And yet... no matter what I tried, nothing helped. My health continued to decline. Every day was a struggle to get through work and the basics of survival at home. Outside activities became too difficult to do or took much planning to rest for a couple days after the activity. Finally, I came to the place of admission that I needed help and reached out to my doctor.



As my doctor appointments approached, I asked God for wisdom and direction. Of course, I had my own ideas of what would bring healing. God in His wisdom had other plans and gently prepared me for them. 

The doctors were kind but firm, giving clear direction. I had to be willing not just to seek their help, but follow their direction. A year of striving to solve things on my own had to end. I had to give in and allow someone else to show me how to fight for health effectively. This is not easy. For several weeks, my life must change as I follow doctor's advice to return to health. Rest is difficult for me, but exactly what is needed along with learning new ways to handle the progression of the chronic illnesses. I must realize that I cannot do it on my own. I must be humble enough to ask for help.

Our gracious God does answer our cries for help as we humbly come to Him. Not only did God give direction through the doctors, but also is bringing refreshment to a very weary spirit. My time of rest began with a live-stream conference and continues with a study of the Psalms. 

The Psalmist often humbly expressed his need for help from our Lord. Look at Psalm 86, Holman Christian Standard Bible.

Psalm 86:1-4

Lament and Petition

A Davidic prayer.

1 Listen, Lord, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
2 Protect my life, for I am faithful.
You are my God; save Your servant who trusts in You.
3 Be gracious to me, Lord,
for I call to You all day long.
4 Bring joy to Your servant’s life,
because I turn to You, Lord.

Just as I had to reach out for help and then listen and follow the given advice, we must do the same thing while listening to the Lord. 

This time of learning to ask for help is a time of leaning on our great God. He will carry me through as I lean on Him and not on my own strength. He is our Provider and Sustainer!

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers

Waiting When the Season Is Long

It has been a long time since I last wrote, just shy of two years. They have been a long two years. While there have been many times of joy and laughter, there have been many hard times, times of sorrow, hurt, and prolonged illness. 

Most recently, I have had nearly a full year of one health struggle after another on top of regular life challenges, struggles and challenges that affect every part of my life and will be life-changing. These struggles have caused isolation, loneliness, and waiting. There is not an end in site as of yet.

It has been some of the hardest life lessons that I have been through; it has been some of the most cherished times in my life as God draws me close to Him. Some of the most painful times have also become the most precious as God closed one door and opened another. 

While I am finally seeing some improvement and positive changes in circumstances, there are weeks, possibly months, of recovery ahead. I wish I could say that I have and will always handle these things well, but, that would not be the truth. 

The times have been hard. So... how do we handle these times, waiting for God to work? 

We wait with courage and strength, waiting on the Lord. 
Psalm 27:14 HCSB, 

"Wait for the Lord;

be strong[a] and courageous.

Wait for the Lord."

We seek the Lord while we wait.
Lamentations 3:25 HCSB,

"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,

to the person who seeks Him."

We are steadfast, while we wait.
James 1:12 HCSB,

"A man who endures trials[a] is blessed, because when he passes the test he will receive the crown of life that God[b] has promised to those who love Him."

We are content, while we wait.
Philippians 4:11-13 HCSB,

"11 I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. 12 I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content—whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. 13 I am able to do all things through Him[a] who strengthens me."

We hope in His Word, while we wait.
Psalm 130:5 HCSB,

"I wait for Yahweh; I wait

and put my hope in His word."

We pray, praise, and sing, while we wait.
Acts 16:25 HCSB,

"About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them."

Did you notice how amazing God is in these verses? He is trustworthy. He is working in the waiting. He is still praise-worthy.

And so... while I wait for this struggling season to end, there is much to do.