Dear Father,
Why me?
The last couple weeks have been a whirlwind, Father. The question "Why me?" comes to mind often as well as "Why now?" and "What for?"
Why me?
I never dreampt you would do this, Father! You gave me years of pain, weakness, and extreme fatigue. You showed me so much about Yourself. You showed me that You used weakness to show grace and strength. You taught me that my relationship with You is more important than anything that I can do. You showed me the answer to "Why me?" and showed me that it was not about me, but about You.
Why me?
The chronic illnesses are long and teach longsuffering and joy. The days of pushing through the pain and fatigue were overwhelming. Yet, You showed me that You are my Rock! You taught me to manage and ration my strength to serve where I could even when things looked bleak and too much! You showed me that in the illness was a way to glorify You when I couldn't with a whole body. You were teaching me to trust You no matter what.
Why me? Because it isn't about me, but about You! Oh, what a wondrous gift You gave me in these lessons.
Then, after my heart cried out to You for strength and wisdom, You answered in a completely unexpected way as a previously undiagnosed condition was found and treated giving me back near perfect health within two weeks. Again, my heart cried "Why me!"
Father, I know that so many of my friends are still hurting and in chronic illness. Why did you choose to heal me yet again? What do you have for me? Why now? Lord, as my body is transforming into health before my very eyes, Your name is being praised. You are being glorified. You are granting strength as it has been a whirlwind of learning that I don't have to ration every ounce of strength, but can depend on You. To be honest, Father, I was a bit embarrassed at all the attention the healing was causing until I realized that I had become a walking billboard for You and Your grace. You are showing me again that it is not about me, but about You!
Why me?
Father, I need You now more than ever as I learn to manage an illness that is managed with medication, but can be serious and life-threatening if not managed properly or in emergency situations. I need You to help me trust You with that illness and to realize that You are in charge of all my days. More than that, I need You to help me know how to live to glorify You every day. I need You to keep me from using this newfound strength for my selfishness instead of Your glory. I need You to show me "Why now?" and "What for?". Guide me, O Great Jehovah! :) Please, in good and bad, keep my eyes on You!
Why me? My life is Yours to do with as You wish whether that means health or illness. You paid the ultimate price for me.
The following song sums it up, Father.
"The Wonderful Cross" ~ By: Chris Tomlin
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride.
See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless Your name
Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all
Father, You love me enough to want a relationship, to have paid the penalty for my sin. I did not deserve this, but I thank You for Your precious gifts of salvation, suffering, and strength.
I love You, Father, Spirit, Son!
Your unworthy daughter,
Myrical Joy
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Snapshots
At my work, we sometimes take "snapshots" of the data from which we can learn a great deal. This post is simply a snapshot of recent days.
Snapshot 1 - Legacy
This spring, I had the great opportunity to assist my parents in a move to a senior apartment. As you can imagine, it was not an easy move as we sifted through a lifetime of memories and accumulated possessions. As Mom and Dad lovingly gave away what they knew we could use or would be most meaningful to each of us, I thought of their legacy. The legacy was not in these things, but in the faith and character which has been handed down from them.
On Memorial Day, my oldest brother and I took over the cemetery flowers. We both came away in awe at the legacy of faith that God has given. A brief search into our ancestry showed that that legacy of faith went back to the Plymouth plantation and back to Geoffrey Chaucer... yes... Geoffrey Chaucer! :) My siblings and I were in awe and thought of Hebrews 12:1-2 and the great crowd of witnesses! We were inspired to continue to carry the torch of faith!
Snapshot 2 - Contentment
Through all the changes and duties, my health continued to be difficult. Those others with chronic illnesses know the challenge of pushing knowing that it will cost a couple days of recovery for each time pushed, the smile you put on trying to hide the pain, weakness, and fatigue, and that even small service means giving your all which is sometimes not enough for people.
In this, God taught me to be content not only in the limitations and pain, but in peoples' misunderstandings.
Snapshot 3 - Longsuffering
The fatigue, weakness, and pain became insidious. I begged God for help to glorify Him. I begged God for relief and for strength to push through another day, to make food, to clean, to know priorities in helping others. And yet, it seemed He was silent. It was at those times that I knew I simply had to trust His Word and His love for me. He was teaching me the longsuffering from the fruit of the Spirit.
Snapshot 4 - New Creature
This past week, my doctor started a treatment on me as a trial basis to see if it would resolve the worsening symptoms. With in 24 hours I had my life back so to speak! I am still in the trial period to see if this will work longterm. It is in God's hands.
As I go through the day, I find myself responding as if I still have the profound weakness, falling, fatigue instead of returning strength. It reminded me of God's declaration that we are a new creature and that God says, "... such were some of you, but..." It hit me that sometimes in my life I am living as if God hasn't restored my relationship with Him through Jesus, as if I am not a new creature. Ouch!
Snapshot 5 - If we win we praise Him, and if we lose we praise Him." ~Facing the Giants
I am enjoying day two of renewed energy even after pushing myself yesterday. I praise God for this strength! Yet, I have no guarantee of strength tomorrow. My heart cry is that if He takes away the strength tomorrow, I still praise Him! As Job said, "...The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”
Life is full of snapshots. What collage do the snapshots of your life make?
Snapshot 1 - Legacy
This spring, I had the great opportunity to assist my parents in a move to a senior apartment. As you can imagine, it was not an easy move as we sifted through a lifetime of memories and accumulated possessions. As Mom and Dad lovingly gave away what they knew we could use or would be most meaningful to each of us, I thought of their legacy. The legacy was not in these things, but in the faith and character which has been handed down from them.
On Memorial Day, my oldest brother and I took over the cemetery flowers. We both came away in awe at the legacy of faith that God has given. A brief search into our ancestry showed that that legacy of faith went back to the Plymouth plantation and back to Geoffrey Chaucer... yes... Geoffrey Chaucer! :) My siblings and I were in awe and thought of Hebrews 12:1-2 and the great crowd of witnesses! We were inspired to continue to carry the torch of faith!
Snapshot 2 - Contentment
Through all the changes and duties, my health continued to be difficult. Those others with chronic illnesses know the challenge of pushing knowing that it will cost a couple days of recovery for each time pushed, the smile you put on trying to hide the pain, weakness, and fatigue, and that even small service means giving your all which is sometimes not enough for people.
In this, God taught me to be content not only in the limitations and pain, but in peoples' misunderstandings.
Snapshot 3 - Longsuffering
The fatigue, weakness, and pain became insidious. I begged God for help to glorify Him. I begged God for relief and for strength to push through another day, to make food, to clean, to know priorities in helping others. And yet, it seemed He was silent. It was at those times that I knew I simply had to trust His Word and His love for me. He was teaching me the longsuffering from the fruit of the Spirit.
Snapshot 4 - New Creature
This past week, my doctor started a treatment on me as a trial basis to see if it would resolve the worsening symptoms. With in 24 hours I had my life back so to speak! I am still in the trial period to see if this will work longterm. It is in God's hands.
As I go through the day, I find myself responding as if I still have the profound weakness, falling, fatigue instead of returning strength. It reminded me of God's declaration that we are a new creature and that God says, "... such were some of you, but..." It hit me that sometimes in my life I am living as if God hasn't restored my relationship with Him through Jesus, as if I am not a new creature. Ouch!
Snapshot 5 - If we win we praise Him, and if we lose we praise Him." ~Facing the Giants
I am enjoying day two of renewed energy even after pushing myself yesterday. I praise God for this strength! Yet, I have no guarantee of strength tomorrow. My heart cry is that if He takes away the strength tomorrow, I still praise Him! As Job said, "...The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”
Life is full of snapshots. What collage do the snapshots of your life make?
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