Why Me?

Dear Father,

Why me?

The last couple weeks have been a whirlwind, Father. The question "Why me?" comes to mind often as well as "Why now?" and "What for?"

Why me?

I never dreampt you would do this, Father! You gave me years of pain, weakness, and extreme fatigue. You showed me so much about Yourself. You showed me that You used weakness to show grace and strength. You taught me that my relationship with You is more important than anything that I can do. You showed me the answer to "Why me?" and showed me that it was not about me, but about You.

Why me?

The chronic illnesses are long and teach longsuffering and joy. The days of pushing through the pain and fatigue were overwhelming. Yet, You showed me that You are my Rock! You taught me to manage and ration my strength to serve where I could even when things looked bleak and too much! You showed me that in the illness was a way to glorify You when I couldn't with a whole body. You were teaching me to trust You no matter what.

Why me? Because it isn't about me, but about You! Oh, what a wondrous gift You gave me in these lessons.

Then, after my heart cried out to You for strength and wisdom, You answered in a completely unexpected way as a previously undiagnosed condition was found and treated giving me back near perfect health within two weeks. Again, my heart cried "Why me!"

Father, I know that so many of my friends are still hurting and in chronic illness. Why did you choose to heal me yet again? What do you have for me? Why now? Lord, as my body is transforming into health before my very eyes, Your name is being praised. You are being glorified. You are granting strength as it has been a whirlwind of learning that I don't have to ration every ounce of strength, but can depend on You. To be honest, Father, I was a bit embarrassed at all the attention the healing was causing until I realized that I had become a walking billboard for You and Your grace. You are showing me again that it is not about me, but about You!

Why me?

Father, I need You now more than ever as I learn to manage an illness that is managed with medication, but can be serious and life-threatening if not managed properly or in emergency situations. I need You to help me trust You with that illness and to realize that You are in charge of all my days. More than that, I need You to help me know how to live to glorify You every day. I need You to keep me from using this newfound strength for my selfishness instead of Your glory. I need You to show me "Why now?" and "What for?". Guide me, O Great Jehovah! :) Please, in good and bad, keep my eyes on You!

Why me? My life is Yours to do with as You wish whether that means health or illness. You paid the ultimate price for me.

The following song sums it up, Father.
"The Wonderful Cross" ~ By: Chris Tomlin

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride.

See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless Your name

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

Father, You love me enough to want a relationship, to have paid the penalty for my sin. I did not deserve this, but I thank You for Your precious gifts of salvation, suffering, and strength.

I love You, Father, Spirit, Son!
Your unworthy daughter,
Myrical Joy