What If? What Now?

"It will get better." 

"This is only temporary."

"Hold on... better days ahead."

"Be thankful it isn't any worse." 

These are things that people have said when trying to encourage through a chronic illness flare. They mean well. In fact, I am sure these words have come out of my own mouth. But... what if... what if things aren't going to get better, but will in fact get worse. What if they will be this way for the remainder of the time on earth. (We know they will get better in Heaven and are temporary in that manner.) Are you in a situation in which you are asking ... What if... what if this goes on and on? 

As someone who was disabled for life at a very young age, fighting and overcoming became as much a part of life as breathing. Oh... it didn't always come naturally, especially on "those" days: pain days, migraine days, hard days. Yet, my parents would never let me give up, but encouraged me to keep fighting and overcome. Dad would build things that would help adapt. Mom alternately listened and prodded, always gentle. Both forbade the word "can't." It wasn't allowed.

As more health challenges arose, we overcame. One challenge at a time, one day at a time, you moved forward. Quitting was NEVER an option. You simply found ways to overcome, relying heavily on God for wisdom and strength. It was what you did. An overabundance of snow, get to work on time anyway, carefully using crutches or walker through the snow. Unable to wash dishes and do kitchen chores standing up, find a way to work around it. Chores still had to be done. In pain, be kind anyway. Awake to the hard days, assess, do what you need to overcome, smile, and conquer the day. It was what one did.

This past year, there have been challenges that cannot be overcome in the regular ways. It soon became clear that no matter what adjustments were made, there were things that were no longer possible to do. Oh... adaptions were made and independence kept as much as possible, but some things were simply no longer possible. Hope that it was temporary prevailed as one doctor's appointment after another came and went. 

Slowly, reality took over. Some of the limitations are indeed permanent. There are many unknowns of how much mobility and freedom will be restored. Weakness, pain, and isolation are daily battles. I came face to face with the question... What if... what if this is permanent. What if... what if the medical staff are right and the limitations will continue to progress. 

During this time, God allowed a childhood friend, also disabled as a child, to cross paths. He is going through the same things. Neither of us had anticipated the wear and tear that would come to our bodies from the years of disabilities and using joints in ways in which they were not meant to be used. (Walking on our hands...) Both of us have struggled as all our efforts to overcome are simply not enough. We have had to face these questions... What if? What now?

And so, I began to contemplate the "What If." What is truth in the "What if?" And, if so, "What now?"

• Romans 8:28 - God is working all things for good.
• Job 23:10 - God knows what has happened. He will use it in my life.
  
• Philippians 4:11-13 - I can learn to be content through Christ's strength. 
• Isaiah 40:28-31 - God gives strength. 
• Philippians 4:8 - Focusing on wholesome things is imperative to keep my mind clear. 
  
• Job 13:15 - I will praise Him.
  
• Psalm 42:5 - I will praise Him.
• Habakkuk 3:17-19 - No matter what... I will praise Him.
• Luke 10:27 - Love God with your all; love people.

What if? What now? Trust Him. Love Him. Love People. Praise Him. Trust Him. Obey. Keep striving for Him. 

It began to be clear. God has called me to the What if? to the What now? He has a purpose. I can still love Him, praise Him, and trust Him. He is still good. He is still God. 

His light began to shine through. Philippians 3:7-21 came to mind. Am I willing to give up my "right" to good health and use weakness to His honor? Am I willing to become weak that He may be strong? 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 His strength can shine through weakness. Am I willing to allow Him to work through this?

Last year, my song of the year was "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus." How appropriate that song became as the year went on. This year, God has impressed me with "Trust and Obey."

What if? Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus. What now? Trust and Obey.